Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
