I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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