I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
