be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
