I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
