At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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