Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
