is your mom at the bar?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
