ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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