At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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