Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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