I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
