I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
