I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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