Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
