are you so shy because you have an std?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
