I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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