I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
