Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
