girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
