Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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