you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
