im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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