Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize