apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize