I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
