I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
