puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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