Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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