On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
