god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
