you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
