I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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