brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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