I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
