I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
