You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
