i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
