I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
