eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
