OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
