Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
