This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
