4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
