1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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