why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just pee around me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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