The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
