and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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