Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
