So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
