I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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