I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
