She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
