yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
