And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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