I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
