Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
