So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
