i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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