dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
