I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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