so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
