:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
